Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1131
You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheiney is drinking water, check that shit out.
Every night my wife used to give me a foot massage. And my face would smell weird afterwards, but...
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
[America is] simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra.
"As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye."
Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting.
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.
This is a great day for people who do what I do, this is a great day for talk-show hosts. Remember when Dick Cheney shot his lawyer in the face? It's like one of those days. It's like when Mel Gibson went crazy and blamed the Jewish people for everything, it's one of those days, it's fantastic.
It’s not enough to say "I’m sorry". You have to also mean it. It’s the same with saying "I’m single".