Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1129
Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
She was so ugly that she has a face like a boiled boot and a tongue long enough to lace it up.
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so…retired mermaids.
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.
Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a relationship. We're the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you're ruining. There's a conversation going on outside with the other spiders. 'Did you hear about Chris?.... Killed yeah... .Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she's got her legs full I'll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly. It's just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they're so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.
[taking a vacation with his family in Costa Rica]<br /> I go "what is it?" And she goes "we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!" Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in the water? "No, that's the best part! We're in the water with the sharks!" And I go "have you lost your mind???"
It's the perfect joke. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy shit-covered incest. And other poems by Maya Angelou.