Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1129
You gotta figure being deaf cant be that bad. It's gotta have a positive side to it. Say you have a girlfriend. No, say you have my ex girlfriend. She's giving you shit, you don't know. All he sees is (animated movements) and all he thinks is "She's so beautiful when she dances. So much passion"
Everyone in my school knew one thing. Nobody fucked with the deaf kids because deaf kids are strong as shit. They have the strength of 14 gorillas. One of my friends got into a fight with a deaf kid and the deaf kid beat 37 kinds of shit into my friend. He kept bashing him. I dont know if he couldnt hear the sound of the beating but he went berserk. I dont know if he was lip reading wrong. My friend was like "Stop. OW!" "*deaf kid accent* Stop telling me Fuck Off!"
A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?'
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just seem longer?
Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.