Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1158
Well thank you, I can hardly say I'm an 'eloquent' writer, it's like a third grade reading level.
There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking... And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.
Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I was sitting next to a young couple with a baby on the plane and I was making the baby laugh the entire flight. Do you know what babies love? Ethnic jokes.
Once I posed naked for a magazine, but it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there."