Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1202
Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch.
I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that are different. I think that's normal. Everyone's nervous when they're confronted with things that they don't understand or are different. That's a normal human reaction. It doesn't become racist 'til you say things like, 'Oh, there's a lot of them.'
I don't see teenagers anymore. I see... I see youths. Slumped S shapes in their hoodies, all huddled round a bin of burning grannies. All texting eachother because they've given up on speech.
After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term ‘happily ever after’ lived reasonably well for a while.
Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"
My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn’t funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.
You might be a redneck if your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
Natural child birth means no drugs will be administered into the female’s body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.
Nothing says used car dealership like wacky inflatable tube men writhing about in the wind
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.