Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 192
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.
Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade. If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.
For years and years, Arj Barker was high on life, but eventually, I built up a tolerance.
The reason we are together is because she puts lead in my shoes and doesn't let me fly off the earth. And it's always been that way.
If you bought the soundtrack to the motion picture Ray, what you're saying about yourself is, "I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and pretend I've been a lifelong Ray Charles fan."
Oh, this is fun - went to a nude beach for the first time. Yeah, that's what I thought. You ever been to a nude beach? Thought it would be all sexy and hot. Oh my God, what a flubber fest! Everybody who shouldn't be naked is naked - didn't make me want to take off my clothes, made me want to take out my contacts.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.
The whole idea of doing the Hollywood thing never even occurred to me. When you grow up on the East coast, Hollywood seems like this fantasy land and you don't think that people can actually make a living there.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.
Why is it that if you take advantage of a tax break and you're a corporation, you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something you need to not be hungry, you're a moocher?
I'm happy with how the day has gone and we've made positive steps forward each time I've gone out. My lap times have also been good and consistent from the outset, so it's good to be on the pace and feeling back at full health and fitness to really "ride" the bike.