Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 193
We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.
Critics noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving as chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, where his only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was doing anyway.
Whenever she uses the phrase "I was thinking...," that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
If you believe that the world is going to come to an end - and perhaps any day now - does it not drain one's motivation to improve life on earth while we're here?
People do give me a hard time about my hair because it's orange and it's big.
They say 'love thy neighbor as thy self' , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.
They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It's money, you know.
Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with no experience running a Navy sub. Hey, how about an investigation into whether it's appropriate to have a civilian with no experience running the country?