Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 246
The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
As rewarding as a good film role can be, there is just nothing like getting up on a stage and taking an audience for a ride. You make a movie, and the audience may not see it for another 10 months. Here, you know immediately their reaction.
I've been to jail, but I do little stuff for little time. I go to jail for stuff like eating in the supermarket. Don't laugh - all of us do this stuff. I'm the only brother who got caught.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.
It's only a joke and the duck didn't really die, and you conservationists are probably all pure vegetarians and don't eat meat or anything like that and you're worried...I hope a butterfly flies up your nose you choke to death!
My friend just told me he thought I was easily offended. I just can't believe he said that.
Most people would say ‘the deets’, but I say ‘the tails’. Just another example of innovation.
This is the amount of time you think about sex: every once in a while. The problem becomes, when you think about it, it's all you can think about. It encompasses your whole brain. You're like a fucking werewolf or something. Usually you're a civilized human being, but then every couple of days, you?re like 'arrrgh.' Then you've got to close the blinds.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.
Latinos are black, white, brown, beige. What does that say about our ancestors? We'll sleep with anybody!
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.