Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 245
In Seattle, they have a saying: ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.’
Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"
Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.
A guy said to me, “There’s only 10 snow geese left in the world.”<br /> I said, “One shits on my car, there’ll be 9.”
Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.
The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.
Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going to say, I can't wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer's room until 2 or 3 a.m.
I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?
Is milk good or bad?... I rest my case. You don't know. You don't know anymore, and a lot of you are sitting there thinking "Fuck, I'm an adult and I don't need to drink that shit anymore!"
How stupid can you get? Christina must have been thinking about food, thats why she forgot the words. Shes gotten so big. She looks like she could eat Lady GaGa. Great way to get rid of competition.
I don't really dissect comedy. Nothing kills off humor more than overanalyzing it.
As rewarding as a good film role can be, there is just nothing like getting up on a stage and taking an audience for a ride. You make a movie, and the audience may not see it for another 10 months. Here, you know immediately their reaction.