Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 29
Ever make fun of someone so much that you feel you should thank them for all the good times? I've got a midget friend, an albino friend, and another friend who thinks "Lord of the Rings" is real. Together we call ourselves "the Unfuckables."
You might be a redneck if you go to the family reunion to pick up women.
They say that the recipie for sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home, and there's more to it than that. "You want some more home made sprite?" "Not until you figure out what the fuck else is in it!"
Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.
After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.
No one’s ever cum on my face. That surprises a lot of people. Never caught one up top as they say in the biz.
Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.
There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.
I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South. In the South, they don't mind how close I get, as long as I don't get too big. In the North, they don't mind how big I get, as long as I don't get too close.