Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 398
I mean, maybe one day we will live in a more optimum world where terrorists come in every color of the rainbow. But the truth is, now they don't. I mean, the people who are trying to get us are young Muslim men, period.
80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes. Actually, they said "Yes! Oh God, Yes!"
In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, "We want Youngman! We want Youngman!" The coach says, "Youngman - go see what they want!"
I hate Sarah Palin in the same way I hate a book by its cover. It's her pandering, Fifties sitcom character persona. It is nothing to do with what she's saying because anything those people are saying is trying to dupe the masses on some level. The fact that a personality like that could be taken as anything other than cartoonish is worrying. Like Bozo the Clown, "It's time we should all vote, kids!" and then people saying, 'You know what, that guys really got something.' It's a fucking clown with floppy shoes and you're taking him seriously?
Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
When you're watching the news, how many days in a row can you watch that and feel good about yourself and the world?
And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.
All right, bitch, you want to fight? We can fight then, you fat motherfucker, l'm tired of your shit!
What I am for is justice for everyone, just like it says in the Constitution.
Charlton Heston admitted he had a drinking problem, and I said to myself, "Thank God this guy doesn't own any guns!"
How do you 'accidentally' shoot a nigga in the chest six times? 'Well, my gun fell and just went crazy!'
That’s what happens when the “Big One” comes. You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.