Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 548

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

I think religion is bad and drugs are good.

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?

Tori is a teenage girl studying drama, which is kinda like a Mexican taking Spanish.

Sore loser? You bet your fucking ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously - that's for chumps. And losers, by the way.

A person asked me, "How do you prepare for the stage?" I told her, "Well, it's like this. You go to diction school. They teach you to fill your mouth with marbles and talk right through the marbles. Each day you take one marble out. When you've lost all your marbles..."

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

I think there are people living in Walmart dressed up as employees.

Sometimes when jokes fall flat, you feel so alone. You’re like, “Well, I thought this was funny.” Sometimes you can feel really lonely.

I think comedy is definitely a more male oriented field - social commentary, political commentary - I think it's just easier for men to get up and say whatever they want. But I don't think there's that many women who really want to put their toe in the water either. It's not the easiest life or lifestyle to get out there and kind of shake the shit up.

I read this on the Internet - did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world?

These people are so rich they don't get crabs... they get lobsters

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.