Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 638
Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse.
The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.
I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.
Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.
Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.
We export films that are full of sleazy jokes and toilet humor - that`s why we've earned the affectionate nickname of the Great Satan. What's seemingly benign, by our standards, is doing more damage to us around the world than anything I could ever do.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.
From the minute we're born, boys and girls stare at each other, trying to figure out if they like what they see. Like parade lines, passing each other for mutual inspection. You march, you look. You march, you look. If you're interested, you stop and talk, and if it doesn't work out, you just get back in the parade. You keep marching, and you keep looking.