Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 639
There's no one I admire more than Lee. To be Mexican-American at a time when our culture was really invisible, and to slay the best golfers in the world with a homemade, 'freehand' swing, which is such a Mexican thing, and for me to see that with the big eyes of a kid, as a lot of young kids connect success to Tiger, I connect my success to Lee. It turned out we both grew up knowing what it's like to be alone, we both learned how to mask some of that by being funny, and now to know him and love him, and have him love me more than anyone from my own upbringing, to have him call me 'My boy,' man, that's it.
When you take a pause before delivering your punch line, you will be using silence as a creative entity in itself.
I got pulled over by the cops because I was swerving a bit while trying to change the radio. It was a shame, 'cos I'd almost disconnected the old one.
I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.
It's not really dating. I don't have any money, so we just kind of walk around. She'll always say things like, 'Where are we going?' 'Further.'
In the beginning of any career, in every job, people are always forcing you to the middle.
Apparently every man was told to bring three women with them. Sounds like a ho-down.
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
I think Billy Martin said it best when he said "hey" <br /> [takes a drink of beer] "I can drive"
When people talk about wanting to "have children someday," what they really mean is that they want babies. Nobody wants an angry adolescent. Nobody wants an obnoxious seven-year-old trying to wear out dirty words they just learned in school that day. What they really want is cute, adorable babies who love you and need you. The bad stuff is just the price you agree to pay for having the good stuff.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, "Guess who’s not coming to dinner?" Never got a dinner!
"This is no way to run a business," I told Dim Sum, and then looked at Tons of Fun. "And you might want to lay off the carbs, you fucking wildebeest."