Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
It's not really dating. I don't have any money, so we just kind of walk around. She'll always say things like, 'Where are we going?' 'Further.'
Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.
Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.
I think Billy Martin said it best when he said "hey" <br /> [takes a drink of beer] "I can drive"
When people talk about wanting to "have children someday," what they really mean is that they want babies. Nobody wants an angry adolescent. Nobody wants an obnoxious seven-year-old trying to wear out dirty words they just learned in school that day. What they really want is cute, adorable babies who love you and need you. The bad stuff is just the price you agree to pay for having the good stuff.
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.
I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.