Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
I got pulled over by the cops because I was swerving a bit while trying to change the radio. It was a shame, 'cos I'd almost disconnected the old one.
I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.
I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.
It sounds like I'm always being facetious. That's why I never get voice over work. 'You sound like you hate the product.'
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
I don't see myself getting married again, but if I do, it will be forever.
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Curb Your Enthusiasm set me up so perfectly. That was one of my favorite shows before I got on it. That started a whole different level of a story for me. I didn’t know how to process it until after I got on the show and realized what the purpose of it was.
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.