Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
We put stereotypes on ourselves. Everybody does that. But I think it's just a little harder for black kids to just be who they are.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
The greatest missile in the world is useless... unless it's targeted. A torpedo is adrift unless it has someplace to go. An arrow is pointless unless it hits something. So it's important for kids - for everyone, even if you fail at first - to target something and head in that direction. With all your might.
I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.
Blood doesn't make you family. Hell, an only child can bleed. It's the sharing of pain that makes you family. 'Cause, you can't really love a brother or sister until you know that they're as scarred and broken as you are. And, hey, if you grow up with a father like mine and you aren't at least a little scarred and broken, well then, that's not your father. You were spawned by an entirely different guy.
Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.
I am always hoping to do another CD. This atmosphere has been difficult.
One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was "No hugs!" Full House was all based on hugs.
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned - not nailed.