Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644

When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.

I get stressed out hearing Lindsey Buckingham talk about those days cause what I'm thinking... I don't know how he can't go 'And that's right before Mick Fleetwood fucked my girlfriend.

Worry is a misuse of your imagination.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.

I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."

I think Billy Martin said it best when he said "hey" <br /> [takes a drink of beer] "I can drive"

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.

I fell in love with the right person, a person I know and who knows me.

I can move objects with my mind if I use my hands.

It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.