Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and ask, “Are you reading that?” I didn’t know what to say. So I said, “Yes,” stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
'Several NFL players said they would support a team mate that came out as gay...' Yeah, why wouldn't you?!
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.
All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: "If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied." I said: "Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband."
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.