Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don’t Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can’t Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse.
I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
The game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.
I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on - the summer or something like that - but recently I've been feeling extremely bisexual. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on, but I walked down the street and, suddenly, the ladies are looking awfully good to me.
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!