Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.
Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of my people, and I said I would like to live on in my apartment.
There are only two Asian people that I know that I have any problem with at all. One is, uh, Guy Aioki. The other is my friend Steve who actually went pee-pee in my Coke. He's all, "Me Chinese, me play joke!" Uh, if you have to explain it, Steve, it's not funny!
I think Billy Martin said it best when he said "hey" <br /> [takes a drink of beer] "I can drive"
Black people late by nature. There's some slaves still on their way over here.
NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.
I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.
I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.