Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
This is the first time that Irish people go: ‘You’re going to England? Sure it’s full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We’ve no terrorists. They’re all playwrights now.’
I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
The only thing worse than dating a single mom is dating a single mom that won't put out.
The game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
There was one embarrassing moment for President Bush. When he heard there were forged documents that had been discovered he said: 'What? You mean they found my diploma from Yale?'
I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying “I don’t want to bore you with the details”.
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.
The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people".
I wish people would stop making fun of fat people... they have enough shit on their plates.