Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse.
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.
Oh look an ATM! Ok here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don’t know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
It's not really dating. I don't have any money, so we just kind of walk around. She'll always say things like, 'Where are we going?' 'Further.'
I'll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
