Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
There’s only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
I didn't know the full facts of life until I was 17. My father never talked about his work.
I feel so badly about what they do to turkeys. That's why this year my family and I are eating a live bird.
The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.
Dick Clark’s wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Who do I have to blow to never have to blow anyone, ever again?
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.