Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.

John Travolta, who said, "My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash." Never got a dinner!

Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of my people, and I said I would like to live on in my apartment.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: "If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied." I said: "Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband."

Black people late by nature. There's some slaves still on their way over here.

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

Mr Gallop you have a beautiful tale there. If you wear your coat long enough no one will notice it.

My mom raised me to never have anything control me.

It's not rape if she blinks twice for yes.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.