Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
I'd announce that I was going to sing, and all our guests would make a ring around the piano. But somehow I managed to fight my way through the ring and sing anyway.
I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, "Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins?" And George will reply "It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!"
It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
When are we going to realize in this country that our wealth is work? That we're workers, and by selling this idea of, "Hey man, I'll teach you how to be rich" - how is that any different than an infomercial?
You know you're an alcoholic when the bartender knows your name... and you've never been to that bar before.
The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.