Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying “I don’t want to bore you with the details”.
When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
It's not really dating. I don't have any money, so we just kind of walk around. She'll always say things like, 'Where are we going?' 'Further.'
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.
This whole urban rap thing needs to be pulled back some. The ghetto is being glorified, and there's nothing good about the ghetto except getting out of one.
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.
For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.
I really loved what I was doing being creative and being funny as a stand-up comedian.
You can always tell when Bush is in trouble. He always brings out 9/11. 9/11 is the cudgel that he waves. As far as he's concerned, it's "Open Sesame". 9/11 is his way of saying, "Okay, I'm fucking up now, but remember four years ago? That was cool." I think he thinks he can use it for anything. "9/11. On 9/11 we were attacked. And so, I should get to bang your wife." What? "Now, there are some nay-sayers out there who think I shouldn't bang your wife, well, that's the cut-and-run crowd."
When are we going to realize in this country that our wealth is work? That we're workers, and by selling this idea of, "Hey man, I'll teach you how to be rich" - how is that any different than an infomercial?