Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
Dick Clark’s wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.
Who do I have to blow to never have to blow anyone, ever again?
NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.
But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.
I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."
Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.
I’m a big fan of talking dirty, but not everyone is good at it. I happen to be very good at it because I’m comfortable. I’ll say something sexy like, “You like that shit!”