Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645

This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.

I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.

Are you possessed... by a twat?

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.

I went to Missouri. I got a speeding ticket for $130. That’s a bunch of crap. Rent’s not $130 in Missouri…

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.

For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

Who do I have to blow to never have to blow anyone, ever again?

NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.

E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, "You look weird." Never got a dinner!

But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.