Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience.
Yesterday someone asked me in interviews why I was so self-deprecating. I told them it’s because I’m a stupid idiot who doesn’t deserve self esteem.
I would always love to be an athlete, but it's got to be a tough day when you have to hang up those cleats.
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.
The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people".
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife? Bullshit! You covet his wife, his house, his car, and his pool. You know why? Because he's coveting every inch of your shit, pal!
My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'
In the beginning of any career, in every job, people are always forcing you to the middle.