Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
Dick Clark’s wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
I'd announce that I was going to sing, and all our guests would make a ring around the piano. But somehow I managed to fight my way through the ring and sing anyway.
Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way.
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.
If you stretched the average person’s intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. And the Chairman didn't make his bones laying down for punks...