Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645

Third party: a party which includes all other parties!

If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything that's alive is gonna die, where does the sacred part come in?

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.

I got pulled over by the cops because I was swerving a bit while trying to change the radio. It was a shame, 'cos I'd almost disconnected the old one.

Worry is a misuse of your imagination.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

Alcoholics Anonymous makes scientology look credible!

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Black people late by nature. There's some slaves still on their way over here.

The way I see it, the earth is going to be here after we're dead and gone. Even if it's a polluted planet, and they messed it up. Where do they go from here - to another planet so they can mess that up too?

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.