Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
It's ok that I'm swearing. One, because, you know, I'm lucky enough to live in a country where I'm allowed to do that, and two, and much more importantly, I'm British, and it just sounds adorable coming out of my mouth. You know it's true. You just can't be offended in the same way. I'll give you an example: fuck knuckle. That's borderline poetry!
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values.
I don't like waking up. I feel like staying in bed usually, but I can't because I've got two kids standing next to my bed, just eager to live another day.
Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn’t be telling their wife about it.
I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.
I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
I actually graze at several of the homes while I'm playing. There a lot of food going on. I drink and eat and use the restrooms in a lot of the houses. What better way to really get closer to the fans than to steal their soap from the restrooms as they allow you to enter their homes?
On getting mugged: I carry around months and months of receipts. I need a mugger who can file my VAT returns.
To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the fucking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!
The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people".