Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience.
Oh look an ATM! Ok here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don’t know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".
When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.
Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.