Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
I got pulled over by the cops because I was swerving a bit while trying to change the radio. It was a shame, 'cos I'd almost disconnected the old one.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.
Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?
A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.
Dick Clarkâs wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Black people late by nature. There's some slaves still on their way over here.
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stoller.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.