Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
This whole urban rap thing needs to be pulled back some. The ghetto is being glorified, and there's nothing good about the ghetto except getting out of one.
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
I'd announce that I was going to sing, and all our guests would make a ring around the piano. But somehow I managed to fight my way through the ring and sing anyway.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
When are we going to realize in this country that our wealth is work? That we're workers, and by selling this idea of, "Hey man, I'll teach you how to be rich" - how is that any different than an infomercial?
I guess in my house when I was growing up, I was comfortable trying to be funny. And my dad, of course, it bugged him sometimes. He was trying to rest, and I was constantly trying to say something stupid to get a reaction. But I like doing these movies. You can do it in front of the camera and then it's over. I don't have to worry about being in front of too many people.
If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.
I'm pretty hot, right? Very hot, if I may say so myself. Don't you feel the sex I'm radiating?
Jeez, you'd think the people in this bank had never seen someone playing castanets before.