Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645

I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying “I don’t want to bore you with the details”.

When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.

Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!

Put your head down, don’t be a dick, and you’ll get in.

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

Postpartum depression? More like bitches being bitches.

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

I believe in people living their lives and having privacy.

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means a whale's vagina.

Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.