Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645

Jeez, you'd think the people in this bank had never seen someone playing castanets before.

'She looks great but what'll I say to her in the morning.' I'm searching for the new maturity: she looks great, but I have nothing to say to her now.

I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.

We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people".

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".

I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.

You might be a redneck if your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through.

Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.

So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.