Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and above all respected. Elsewhere, that wasn't always the case. I made some good friends there. It was a wonderful place. You never missed home when you were there. I was having a good time, and people were awfully good to me.
I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
I wanted to be a physicist when I was younger, and I also wanted to be a comedian, but only one of those worked out, so I'd like to try to do both now in a bit that I call theoretical dick jokes.
The game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It's the American way. There's really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of the 1900s, 20th century.
Then she doesn't say anything. She waits. It brews in her head like a little El Nino. She calls me 4am. Not even a call, a fax. That's worse. It's jarring. It's right next to my head, nothing's worse. 7 page fax. First one has just got a big F on it. I don't like where it's headed.
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people".
Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma.
Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through.