Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."
Mr Gallop you have a beautiful tale there. If you wear your coat long enough no one will notice it.
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.
You can wait for things to happen for you or you can make things happen for you.
I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor." The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?"
An adult male human that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone.
I guess in my house when I was growing up, I was comfortable trying to be funny. And my dad, of course, it bugged him sometimes. He was trying to rest, and I was constantly trying to say something stupid to get a reaction. But I like doing these movies. You can do it in front of the camera and then it's over. I don't have to worry about being in front of too many people.
The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows.
In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.
In California, 50 women protested the I'm pending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president.