Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.

I feel so badly about what they do to turkeys. That's why this year my family and I are eating a live bird.

A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.

I went to Missouri. I got a speeding ticket for $130. That’s a bunch of crap. Rent’s not $130 in Missouri…

So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro.

For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.

Postpartum depression? More like bitches being bitches.

Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.

But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.

I believe in people living their lives and having privacy.

My favorite show of all time has to be Charlie’s Angels… My hair was so feathered, that the back of my head looked like a butt.

I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!