Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 645
It sounds like I'm always being facetious. That's why I never get voice over work. 'You sound like you hate the product.'
There are only two Asian people that I know that I have any problem with at all. One is, uh, Guy Aioki. The other is my friend Steve who actually went pee-pee in my Coke. He's all, "Me Chinese, me play joke!" Uh, if you have to explain it, Steve, it's not funny!
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
Dick Clarkâs wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
I'd announce that I was going to sing, and all our guests would make a ring around the piano. But somehow I managed to fight my way through the ring and sing anyway.
Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way.