Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 646
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".
When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!
For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
Although to be fair, cherry picking isn't quite what we do. Cherries are sweet and delicious. What we do is more turd mining. And I'll thank you to give our work the respect it deserves!
I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.