Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.
I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'
I went to Missouri. I got a speeding ticket for $130. That’s a bunch of crap. Rent’s not $130 in Missouri…
This was in the 80's, when you couldn't just take a pill the next day to Control + Z that shit.
That would be a good public service announcement for Nickelodeon: "Hi, this is Bob Saget. Don't fuck that shit. Stay in school. And read!"
Who do I have to blow to never have to blow anyone, ever again?
One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was "No hugs!" Full House was all based on hugs.
Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.
I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their house have wheels.
My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.
These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.
