Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path.
I went to this restaurant last night that was set-up like a big buffet in the shape of a ouigi board. You'd think about what kind of food you want and the table would move across the floor to it.
I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.
When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
It’s a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.
It's all dangerously true. It'd be nice if something worked out for me, and then I'd have to get material out of that.
The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.