Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.
I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this...
I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.
Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.
Oh look an ATM! Ok here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
The United States of America will fare well so long as it has enough water to let it go to waste, both literally and figuratively. And he imagines how someone from an impoverished third-world nation must react to our collective nonchalant wasting of water, or of throwing money into fountains.
I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.
To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.
I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew.
I think that should be the anti - speeding advert it should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?