Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

I would always love to be an athlete, but it's got to be a tough day when you have to hang up those cleats.

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.

The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people".

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.

Eve, who said to Adam, "What do you mean the kids don't look like you?" Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.)

Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.

A lot of comedians are selfish.

Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.

I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.

I don't see myself getting married again, but if I do, it will be forever.

Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.