Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.
People will frighten you about a graduation...They use words you don't hear often... "And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godpeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.
I'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.
I just know you can not be on top forever. There's always going to be the next guy, and if I'm going to go down, I'd like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can't prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.
I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
No one calls 911 cool and relaxed. Now that shit would sound ridiculous.
I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!
The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems and illuminate problems heretofore unseen, or it can use its magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous-flaming-ant epidemic. If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.