Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
Eve, who said to Adam, "What do you mean the kids don't look like you?" Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.)
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it and says, "Here, you can go."
Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!
I don't see myself getting married again, but if I do, it will be forever.
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
The way I see it, the earth is going to be here after we're dead and gone. Even if it's a polluted planet, and they messed it up. Where do they go from here - to another planet so they can mess that up too?
That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
If you stretched the average person’s intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.