Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
It’s a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
It's all dangerously true. It'd be nice if something worked out for me, and then I'd have to get material out of that.
People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked. That is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.
Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn’t be telling their wife about it.
The game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
