Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
An adult male human that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone.
I guess in my house when I was growing up, I was comfortable trying to be funny. And my dad, of course, it bugged him sometimes. He was trying to rest, and I was constantly trying to say something stupid to get a reaction. But I like doing these movies. You can do it in front of the camera and then it's over. I don't have to worry about being in front of too many people.
In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.
If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.
Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse.
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings. I found out I have all the money I’ll ever need if I die tomorrow.