Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
You weren't doing a Cher thing. This wasn't your 12th farewell tour.
The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.
I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
This is the first time that Irish people go: ‘You’re going to England? Sure it’s full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We’ve no terrorists. They’re all playwrights now.’
I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.
I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying “I don’t want to bore you with the details”.
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.
There's no one I admire more than Lee. To be Mexican-American at a time when our culture was really invisible, and to slay the best golfers in the world with a homemade, 'freehand' swing, which is such a Mexican thing, and for me to see that with the big eyes of a kid, as a lot of young kids connect success to Tiger, I connect my success to Lee. It turned out we both grew up knowing what it's like to be alone, we both learned how to mask some of that by being funny, and now to know him and love him, and have him love me more than anyone from my own upbringing, to have him call me 'My boy,' man, that's it.