Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Child molesters must all think they've got huge dicks.

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

I think that should be the anti - speeding advert it should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.

Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.

Funny is funny.

This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

I feel so badly about what they do to turkeys. That's why this year my family and I are eating a live bird.

I don't believe in karma.

If you eat a lot of spicy food, you can damage your sense of taste. When I was in Mexico last year, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard.

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.