Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".
Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.
I’m in a whole different part of show business. I’m not even part of Shakespeare in Love.
I fell in love with the right person, a person I know and who knows me.
I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!
Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow down and think about whether this is really the man she wants to spend three or four months of her life with.
When are we going to realize in this country that our wealth is work? That we're workers, and by selling this idea of, "Hey man, I'll teach you how to be rich" - how is that any different than an infomercial?
I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor." The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?"
But you see, you measure what a good time you had by how much it fucks you up. You go out tonight, get ripped, get shitfaced. You'll wake up tomorrow and somebody will talk to you, and ask: "How was last night?". You'll say: "It was fantastic! I can't see. No sens- no feeling, nothing, no sensation down the left side of my body. Oh! I can't even form sentences! You should've come, you would've at least lost an ear!
Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows.
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.