Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
It’s a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.
When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
It's all dangerously true. It'd be nice if something worked out for me, and then I'd have to get material out of that.
The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
In the debate Bush appeared confident, he appeared relaxed, he appeared calm. That's right, he's drinking again.
For a British person to enter British Heaven, you basically have to die completely unnoticed without causing too much of a kerfuffle.
Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers... they are obviously alcoholics.
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.