Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
I didn't know the full facts of life until I was 17. My father never talked about his work.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through.
A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.
I went to Missouri. I got a speeding ticket for $130. That’s a bunch of crap. Rent’s not $130 in Missouri…
It's not like some movies where you're following a bunch of different stories you can cut around. There was nowhere to cut to. It's these guys. We're not cutting back to anybody else.
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.
This was in the 80's, when you couldn't just take a pill the next day to Control + Z that shit.
Dick Clark’s wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Oh, shit... somebody fucked you up real bad. I'll tell you what... I'm gonna go now, cuz I think you want to sit there, by yourself, and think about who you pissed off. Excuse me.
I fell in love with the right person, a person I know and who knows me.
I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.