Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
EGGS! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
They mess with your food, they do. They go 'Well Wanda, first we're gonna cut out all your carbs...' OK, wait a minute, hold up. Let me explain something to you. I've got this medical condition, and when you cut out my carbs - my foot? Right up your ass.
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
I think some teams shied away because of it, ... But Minnesota stuck with me and I was happy about that.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
This is the first time that Irish people go: ‘You’re going to England? Sure it’s full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We’ve no terrorists. They’re all playwrights now.’
Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.