Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems and illuminate problems heretofore unseen, or it can use its magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous-flaming-ant epidemic. If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.
In the debate Bush appeared confident, he appeared relaxed, he appeared calm. That's right, he's drinking again.
We need a twelve-step group for compulsive talkers; they could call it Anon Anon.
My father's cock went into my mother's cunt in the backroom of a Cinnabon. That's how I was born.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.