Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
There was one embarrassing moment for President Bush. When he heard there were forged documents that had been discovered he said: 'What? You mean they found my diploma from Yale?'
I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don’t know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying “I don’t want to bore you with the details”.
When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!
I get stressed out hearing Lindsey Buckingham talk about those days cause what I'm thinking... I don't know how he can't go 'And that's right before Mick Fleetwood fucked my girlfriend.
Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.
I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow down and think about whether this is really the man she wants to spend three or four months of her life with.