Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!
If the FBI's motivating factor for busting down the Koresh compound was child abuse, how come we never see Bradley tanks smashing into Catholic churches?
It's all dangerously true. It'd be nice if something worked out for me, and then I'd have to get material out of that.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.
On getting mugged: I carry around months and months of receipts. I need a mugger who can file my VAT returns.
I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.
I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.
I would always love to be an athlete, but it's got to be a tough day when you have to hang up those cleats.
The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people".
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.
Eve, who said to Adam, "What do you mean the kids don't look like you?" Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.)