Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It's a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that's our biggest problem, I think we're in good shape.
Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
It’s a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.