Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.
It's not really dating. I don't have any money, so we just kind of walk around. She'll always say things like, 'Where are we going?' 'Further.'
I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.
No, I guess this is a pretty funny story. One that I’ll never ever tell anyone because of my deep and burning shame.
Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!
My random acts of violence weren't random. They were premeditated.
I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.
It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.