Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".
Are your feet tired?.. Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through.
A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
That would be a good public service announcement for Nickelodeon: "Hi, this is Bob Saget. Don't fuck that shit. Stay in school. And read!"
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.
I really loved what I was doing being creative and being funny as a stand-up comedian.
I live in New York right now but I'm originally from my daddy's nuts. We all are. Think about, we the lucky ones - we made it. You all are winners. That's the first race you ever won.
For the record, I hate skiing...and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.