Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.
They mess with your food, they do. They go 'Well Wanda, first we're gonna cut out all your carbs...' OK, wait a minute, hold up. Let me explain something to you. I've got this medical condition, and when you cut out my carbs - my foot? Right up your ass.
Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a while now. Let’s break up.
Jeez, you'd think the people in this bank had never seen someone playing castanets before.
To those people who say, "My father is alive because of animal experimentation", I say "Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live." Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade off.
I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.
Oh look an ATM! Ok here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
The United States of America will fare well so long as it has enough water to let it go to waste, both literally and figuratively. And he imagines how someone from an impoverished third-world nation must react to our collective nonchalant wasting of water, or of throwing money into fountains.
To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.
Carrot Top will be doing a show about the history of ancient trunks. Gallagher will be smashing ancient fruit.