Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.
I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.
I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.
Dick Clark’s wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stoller.
I'd announce that I was going to sing, and all our guests would make a ring around the piano. But somehow I managed to fight my way through the ring and sing anyway.
I really loved what I was doing being creative and being funny as a stand-up comedian.
Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way.
I think it’s kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that’s stealing. Wow talk about ironic.