Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
In the debate Bush appeared confident, he appeared relaxed, he appeared calm. That's right, he's drinking again.
For a British person to enter British Heaven, you basically have to die completely unnoticed without causing too much of a kerfuffle.
Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers... they are obviously alcoholics.
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.
I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.