Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
For a British person to enter British Heaven, you basically have to die completely unnoticed without causing too much of a kerfuffle.
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
The game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.
Oh look an ATM! Ok here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
The United States of America will fare well so long as it has enough water to let it go to waste, both literally and figuratively. And he imagines how someone from an impoverished third-world nation must react to our collective nonchalant wasting of water, or of throwing money into fountains.
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.
People will frighten you about a graduation...They use words you don't hear often... "And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godpeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?