Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
What you find is that most Jewish camps have Indian names, and I think I understand why. First of all, Camp Nagiwa or Camp Apache -- that sounds a lot more fun than Camp Jewy Jew, right? That's just more fun. Also, I think Jews can relate to people who are rounded up and put in places where they didn't want to be.
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
The game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
My father and I had dinner tonight and I made a classic Freudian slip. I meant to say, “Could you pass me the salt please?” But it comes out, “You putz, you ruined my childhood.”
I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.