Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
How did Dr. Drew become the only psychologist who appears on tv. Did he sign an exclusive with CNN?
No, I guess this is a pretty funny story. One that I’ll never ever tell anyone because of my deep and burning shame.
There’s only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
I couldn't do sports and so in my head I was like, 'Ladies will see my hand to hand dexterity and they will want these hands inside them.' First of all, flawed, you're juggling balls.
Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!
A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.
I just know you can not be on top forever. There's always going to be the next guy, and if I'm going to go down, I'd like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can't prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
I don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!
If we stopped calling it profiling and started calling it "proactive intelligence screening" or "high alert detecting", people would be saying "Well, it's about time".