Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.
Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows.
[As George Bush] “Weapons of Mass Destruction. I’m so sure they have them.” Yeah, you and your daddy because you got the receipt.
Jeez, you'd think the people in this bank had never seen someone playing castanets before.
In California, 50 women protested the I'm pending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse.
You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".