Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.
When I was 18, I thought I was in love. First time - you know that magic feeling. So, I asked my father. I said, 'Dad is love real?' And he said, 'No. But herpes is, so watch your ass.'
My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.
I would always love to be an athlete, but it's got to be a tough day when you have to hang up those cleats.
When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!
My neighborhood is changing so much. This place that was a Mexican restaurant is now a small church. Which is very upsetting to me, because I like burritos more than I like Jesus. Because steak burritos are delicious… and they’re real.
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
There’s only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!
A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.