Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647

Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.

I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.

Are you possessed... by a twat?

I went to Missouri. I got a speeding ticket for $130. That’s a bunch of crap. Rent’s not $130 in Missouri…

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system.

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

Who do I have to blow to never have to blow anyone, ever again?

One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was "No hugs!" Full House was all based on hugs.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.

What drives the creative person is that we see it all.

I've never really worked on them. Just once in a while one hits me and makes me laugh. My Al Gore was sort of like a gay Gomer Pyle.

I wasn't feeling it, really. But I just had to do what I had to do. It turned out the better for me.

If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.