Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 647
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
God old people on coaches! Fuck they go past you at light speed! You can see their faces all up the back window!
The way I see it, the earth is going to be here after we're dead and gone. Even if it's a polluted planet, and they messed it up. Where do they go from here - to another planet so they can mess that up too?
Do you think pandas know they’re Chinese and they’re taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?
I'd announce that I was going to sing, and all our guests would make a ring around the piano. But somehow I managed to fight my way through the ring and sing anyway.
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
I went to this restaurant last night that was set-up like a big buffet in the shape of a ouigi board. You'd think about what kind of food you want and the table would move across the floor to it.
I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!