Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 651
I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.
My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better
Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".
I get stressed out hearing Lindsey Buckingham talk about those days cause what I'm thinking... I don't know how he can't go 'And that's right before Mick Fleetwood fucked my girlfriend.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.
The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
We’re constantly told by campaign groups such as Greenpeace that we must invest more in alternative energies like wind farms. But I’m here to tell you that’s actually a terrible idea. The reason being, it turns out wind has actually been horrifically overfarmed over the last 20 years. And if we keep farming it at this rate, by 2040 there will be no wind whatsoever. And kites will just lie like corpses in parks.
One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.
My father and I had dinner tonight and I made a classic Freudian slip. I meant to say, “Could you pass me the salt please?” But it comes out, “You putz, you ruined my childhood.”
But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.