Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 652
Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation. For example: The retarded gynecologist, the retarded Jesus, the retarded Osama Bin Laden. It works. It's funny. Inappropriate? I dunno. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of what crosses the line of good taste being that I am retarded. Socially perhaps, but severly retarded.
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
When you're single again, at the beginning you're very optimistic and you say, "I want to meet someone who's really smart, really sweet, really sensitive". And six months later you're like, "Lord, any mammal with a day job".
We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.
I don't remember much about my bar mitzvah. The only thing I remember - I killed! That's what I remembered. Nobody could follow me at my bar-mitzvah. It was over when I was done.
On getting mugged: I carry around months and months of receipts. I need a mugger who can file my VAT returns.
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Apparently, the most popular role play fantasy is the nurse fantasy. If I was going to do the nurse fantasy for my man, I would just make him wait in the living room for an hour and read Highlights magazine before rejecting his health insurance.
I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.