Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 650
I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.
For the record, I hate skiing...and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow down and think about whether this is really the man she wants to spend three or four months of her life with.
Fifty percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. Fifty percent. That’s one out of every two people. So it’s either going to be you or your wife.
D'you remember that famous fight, George Formby against Muhammad Ali? Ah, it was brilliant. Dyslexic promoter put it on.
No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'
This is the guy I'll be thinking about when I put a gun to my head.
I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time.
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
I actually graze at several of the homes while I'm playing. There a lot of food going on. I drink and eat and use the restrooms in a lot of the houses. What better way to really get closer to the fans than to steal their soap from the restrooms as they allow you to enter their homes?
Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.