Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 738
"Money is the root of all evil." Then we hear, "A fool and his money are soon parted." What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, "A wise man and his money are soon parted"? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.
You might be a redneck if you go to the family reunion to meet women.
At some point, the pride has to be a part of the whole day-to-day oeuvre. It's part of who you are and doesn't need to be discussed anymore.
I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.
We had asked Jack Benny to give the bride away, but Jack said he never gave anything away.
Certain things should be yours to have when you work your way to the top.
The fact that women make seventy-five cents to every man's dollar won't bother us as long as you touch our clit.
I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, "I don’t want to get sick, what should I eat?" He said, "Peanut Butter." I said, "If I eat peanut butter then I won’t get sick?" He said, "no, but it tastes the same comin’ up as it does goin’ down."
Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.
I feel very privileged that I am able to do something. All of us saw the images on TV and we said we can send money but we still wanted to contribute more.