Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 737
I believe the ability to think is blessed. If you can think about a situation, you can deal with it. The big struggle is to keep your head clear enough to think.
You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
"This is your brain." I've seen a lot of weird shit on drugs. I have never ever ever ever EVER looked at a fucking egg and thought it was a brain.
Movies are movies, and I don't think any of them are going to hurt the moral fiber of America and all that nonsense.
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
Maybe the most uncomfortable moment of my life was when my dad gave me the sex talk. The old man was into some really crazy shit.
“My dad, kind of bloke could read out a telephone directory and It’d be funny…to be fair, he used to do it with his cock out.”
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.'
Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
Do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it and, as long as you look confident, no one will give you any shit. Put that on the back of a locket, then swallow it.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.