Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 737
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade, you might be a redneck.
Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.
I love hitting into the rough because it gets me close to the people.
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
Vote for me. I’m not a liar. I’m not a thief. I’m not a whore. And I’m not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.
Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."
People keep telling me about the white race and the black race - and it really doesn't make sense. I played Miami, met a fellow two shades darker than me - and his name was Ginsberg! Took my place in two sit-in demonstrations - nobody knew the difference. The he tried for a third lunch counter and blew the whole bit ... asked for blintzes.