Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 748
I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.
You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.
I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.
Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show...called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
You might be a redneck if you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.
If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.
I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
Grannies Gone Wild’: She may have alzheimer’s, but she still nasty!