Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 749
I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.
You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are dying. The next show, I try to repeat it, I can't do it. Because with the first audience that was our moment. It can't happen the same way again. We were all there: a certain type of people were at that show and we all got it.
“Hey, you couldn’t write stuff like that could ya!! Of course you could…I did”.
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.
She said I was afraid of success, which may in fact be true, because I have a feeling that fufilling my potential would really cut into my sittin' around time.
On Courtney Love: I was only in her company two hours, but I can’t blame that Kurt Cobain fella.