Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 895
How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American? Or those that advocate peace are anti-troops or pro-Saddam?
The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.
Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.
Congratulations your 18!...On a list of 20 people i'm going to kill.
Next Fall Dr. Drew has a new show coming out: Overdosing with the Stars.
I was walking around downtown the other day and I saw Angela Lansbury in an antique store… She was $800.
Black men struggle with masculinity so much. The idea that we must always be strong really presses us all down - it keeps us from growing.
"I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! 'Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!'"
The competitions are as much a part of the tradition as the actual dances.
We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names.
We made this movie for $17, and nobody got anything. So it never dawned on me that we would get real people.
[Imitating a whining vegetarian] "Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"
In Australia you can buy a cheese called ‘coon cheese’, did you hear what I said, ‘coon cheese’!!
How proud you were when they named you America's best... then you found out they meant America's beast!