Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 902
All we really require is 1 drawer, that is all men want, 1 drawer, this is not a drawer we will pick out early. A drawer will become available, we will tentatively enquire as to it’s usage, “darling this drawer here, can I have this drawer for me?”..Yes I think you can…good this will be my man drawer!!
They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles.
We always feel better in anticipation. You don't think about something and think "Aw, it's gonna be shitty." No! You say "This is gonna be the greatest weekend ever! Sonuvabitch!" And then, by Monday, you're throwing up and you're thinking "You know, I always thought those guys were pricks!"
I’d like to punch out a really old lady. There’d be no repercussions.
We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names.
I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
We have al fresco dining in Cardiff now. Who's idea was that?! My soup's filling up quicker than I can eat it. "Who wanted coffee? Ah yes sir, well here it is. Don't worry I'll get you another one!"
People talk to old people like they're children. 'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah, I'm old. I'm not stupid.
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.