Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 901

I'm sure everyone in this room has been told a joke about that subject. I have many times and I've laughed, even though they are horrifying and shocking... I think there's no boundary at all, whether it's that subject or another.

The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.

I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material."I can't look at the old tapes now.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast

I'm an amateur photographer. Never taken anything I'm proud of. Just children having sex.

I was in New York City, performing at an epilepsy benefit. Had ‘em rolling in the aisles.

The other day I was sitting on the stoop. That’s a stupid nick-name. I’m mean my Aunt Bessie.

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

I wear ear condoms. I don't even want to listen to what I might be contracting.

I don’t understand why anybody would ever beat their children when damaging them psychologically is so much more permanent.

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.

Look at us - we're a San Francisco wedding cake.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.