Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 983
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
My generation didn`t face the kind of urgent, pressing issues that my parents did, who fought through a war and a Depression and know what suffering is. That`s why Bob Dole had a tough time with this electorate. He was an old-fashioned curmudgeon who knew about sacrifice, and we didn`t know if we could live up to his standards. But we knew we could live up to Bill Clinton`s. He`s more like one of us.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.
There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles.
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
I don't think anyone should have 20 kids. You need to spread your seed somewhere else. Go shit in your sock once in a while.
I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother… that's all they need.
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, "Yes!" And people in San Francisco are like, "Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you."
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.