Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 983
Who's the president on the $100 bill? I don't know. I don't need to know because I don't use cash. I only use travelers checks.
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami. I mean she said, "These Tsunamians will not get away with this". Oh speaking of dumb twats, did you...
My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.
I'm up. If that doesn't get me up, you know what will. Housekeeping. Housekeeping. Bink. No, need sleepy!
I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun.
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard
I would have felt a little funny if another actor was playing this role.
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you’ve ever been there, you’ll realize that that’s maybe a bit long.
You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.
They don't want an educated populace capable of critical thought, sitting around the kitchen table realizing how badly they're getting fucked!