Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 982
For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13.
I flew to Ireland once... I’m Welsh I brought shorts, t shirts, sunglasses, they don’t even sell them in Wales I had to go to Bristol to buy them!
I don't go out nightclubbing anymore. I can't do it. I never got it with bouncers. I mean proper nightclub bouncers. You know, the ones that look like boiled egg on top of a stuffed beanbag. Sorry, Dara O'Briain.
Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.
I believe everything in life is energy. If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.
I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas.
A well-known Huston stripper reportedly twerked so hard that she suffered a miscarriage on stage… Not the punchline. Because in her defense, she did tell everybody, ‘I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly’.
Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
You can never do jokes about somebody dying! Its disrespectful! How would you feel if you died?
This person at the next table is a fabulous drag queen. I didn't get it until I just looked up.