Quotes and Jokes by Alan King

Alan King was an American actor and comedian known for his biting wit and often angry humorous rants. King became well known as a Jewish comedian and satirist. He was also a serious actor who appeared in a number of movies and television shows. King wrote several books, produced films, and appeared in plays.

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 19)

#1

A short summary of every Jewish holiday: "They tried to kill us; we won; let’s eat!"

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#2

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

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#3

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

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#4

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

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#5

Jesus saves, Moses invests.

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#6

I was worried about the ground, and while I thought it was quicker than ideal, there was no jar.

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#7

It was nice to see Chocolate outriding the Flat jockey.

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#8

The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.

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#9

I don't think it's any secret. We can't continue to do business as we're currently doing it.

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#10

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

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#11

I think he has a hell of a chance on rain softened ground and he probably represents our best chance for a Festival victory.

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#12

A river in Cleveland caught fire… what did they put it out with?

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#13

Banks have a new image. Now you have a friend, your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

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#14

If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

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#15

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It'a a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

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