Quotes & Jokes about Business

129 quotes

Dave Chappelle was great. He's just the way he is in the wraparounds on the show. He's a really laid back guy. Just doing five skits on his show gave me enough exposure where I was able to move up a few notches, which was like night and day from where I was in this business. So I'm always thanking him.

It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops stroking you. Big business gives you a good stroke. And it's one big, transcontinental, cross-country, red, white and blue stroke job... Do you know what the national emblem for this country ought to be? Forget that bald eagle. The national emblem of this country ought to be Uncle Sam standing naked at attention saluting, and seated on a chair next to him, the Statue of Liberty jerking him off. That would be a good symbol for the United Strokes of America.

I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading ‘Ta-Da!’ magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.

I love mullets. The other day, in Pittsburgh, I saw the greatest mullet I've ever seen. I can't describe it. It was just the mullet of all time; complete 'business in the front, party in the back.' I've never seen anything like it.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

I try to please people, to give them a good time, but I refuse to make my act conform to traditional show-biz standards of entertainment. There's a little voice that says, 'Oh, no, you can't do that, that's breaking all the rules.' That's the voice of show business. Then this other little voice says, 'Try it.' And most of the time, when the voice comes on and says, 'No,' that's the time it works.

Some people are against porno movies. And I say hey, Ohio, Kentucky, and Iran: I say, hey - whatever a man, and a woman, and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that's their garsh-darn business.

I’d be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I’d run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back…

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.

It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.

You’re going into business with that Puerto Rican? You ought to call yourselves “Julio and Big Foolio.”

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

Revivals used to come to town. They would ask who wanted to be saved and I’d march right to the front. It was then I knew I was destined for a career in show business or at least alcoholism.

Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do.