Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 3


In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

We're the geniuses of the house because only a person intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

It says here that you are a compulsive gambler and that you are wanted by the police. Is this correct?

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

In spite of the seven thousands books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and... mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I was lying, of course: that's what parents do best.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.