Quotes and Jokes by Bill Cosby

William Henry Cosby Jr. is an American stand-up comedian, actor, musician, author, and convicted sex offender. He held an active career for over six decades before being convicted and imprisoned for sex offenses in 2018. Cosby began his career as a stand-up comic at the hungry i in San Francisco during the 1960s.

Top 15 Quotes (out of 150)

#1

A pelican that is wet walks with a gated limp, but a dry fish swims alone.

126
#2

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "and tired." I don't remember anything after that.

109
#3

How long can you tread water?

60
#4

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

56
#5

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful" and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

32
#6

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.

32
#7

Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

28
#8

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

21
#9

I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask me a question about a child's behavior, I will advise you to tell the child to take a lap.

20
#10

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on-a-rope.

20
#11

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

18
#12

You know my father's favorite game? "Come here and pull my finger."

16
#13

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

16
#14

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

16
#15

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.

15