Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby


Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

How long can you tread water?

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful" and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "and tired." I don't remember anything after that.

Thank you for remembering me. I'm also happy to be accepting this trophy before I become incontinent.

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on-a-rope.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate.

You know my father's favorite game? "Come here and pull my finger."