Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 4
When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.
I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!