Quotes & Jokes by David Cross / page 2
They think globally but act locally, which is part of my t-shirt philosophy course that I teach in Brooklyn.
[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! You're gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]
If someone gives you a kazoo and toots around the house to MTV, they're not gonna fuck you.
So at the CES, there was a guy selling off this porno called Fuck My Dirty Shithole: The Movie. I bet you're thinking exactly what I was thinking … how did they make that book into a movie?
If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat.
High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know...
I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.
People are condescending, they don't listen, and it's contributed to a really unfortunate anti-intellectualism in this country.
Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.
As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and great director with an ability to think outside of conventional film comedy.
I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
It's just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from each other.
I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.