Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.
Quotes and Jokes by Jim Carrey
Top 15 Quotes (out of 139)
Good morning! And in case I don't see you: good afternoon, good evening and good night.
He who hesitates, masturbates.
You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.
Dry land is not a myth. I've seen it. Kevin Costner. Waterworld. I don't know what the big fuss is about. I saw that movie nine times. It rules!
The early bird gathers no moss! The rolling stone catches the worm.
Here it goes: I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yeild at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!
What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?
Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.
Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts? Ha ha ha. I'll juice ya up.
I was just blow drying my hair, thought I heard the phone ring. Ah... has that ever happened to you? Anyway... call me, we'll talk about it.
Listen, Pocahontas, unless you put your ear to the ground, you'll never hear the buffalo comin'!
Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.
One man's toxic waste is another man's potpourri.
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.