Quotes & Jokes by Lenny Bruce

52 quotes

It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.

Marijuana will be legal someday, because the many law students who now smoke pot will one day be Congressmen and they will legalize it to protect themselves. I don't smoke pot, and I'm glad because then I can champion it without any special pleading. The reason I don't smoke pot is because it facilitates ideas and heightens sensations - and I got enough shit flying through my head without smoking pot.

Let me tell you the truth. The truth is what is, and what should be is a fantasy. A terrible, terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

If you can't say "Fuck" you can't say, "Fuck the government."

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.

Liberals will buy anything a bigot writes. In fact, they really support hate mongers. George Lincoln Rockwell, the leader of the American Nazi Party is probably a very knowledgeable businessman with no political convictions what so ever. He gets three bucks a head and works the mass rallies consisting of nothing but angry Jews, shaking their fists and wondering why there are so many Jews there. And Rockwell probably has only two real followers - and they're deaf. They think the swastika is merely an Aztec symbol.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

What is dirty? And what is clean? Now, if I had to make a choice, man, I would rather my kid watch a stag movie than a clean movie like King of Kings. Why? Because King of Kings is full of killing and I don't want my kid to kill Christ when he comes back.

Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.