Quotes & Jokes by Lenny Bruce
I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.
Let me tell you the truth. The truth is what is, and what should be is a fantasy. A terrible, terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago.
Marijuana will be legal someday, because the many law students who now smoke pot will one day be Congressmen and they will legalize it to protect themselves. I don't smoke pot, and I'm glad because then I can champion it without any special pleading. The reason I don't smoke pot is because it facilitates ideas and heightens sensations - and I got enough shit flying through my head without smoking pot.
Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
If you can't say "Fuck" you can't say, "Fuck the government."
You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
Liberals will buy anything a bigot writes. In fact, they really support hate mongers. George Lincoln Rockwell, the leader of the American Nazi Party is probably a very knowledgeable businessman with no political convictions what so ever. He gets three bucks a head and works the mass rallies consisting of nothing but angry Jews, shaking their fists and wondering why there are so many Jews there. And Rockwell probably has only two real followers - and they're deaf. They think the swastika is merely an Aztec symbol.
You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an ''act'' and he told the audience, ''This is my act.'' Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.