Quotes & Jokes by Ray Romano / page 2

109 quotes

My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.

If you ever want to go golfing, take Brad with you. He will make you look better. He came in dead last. There were 75 celebrities and pro athletes and he came in dead last.

I was wracked with insecurity.

I remember the first time my wife (then girlfriend) came over to the basement. I spent the entire day cleaning it, just so I could say, “Sorry the place is such a mess.” I had to clean all day to qualify for mess status.

I've since converted to a different sect of Catholicism - part-time Catholicism.

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want to play a different character.

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

You try to pretend like you're paying attention to your family, but in the meantime, you're like "Grandma, can you pass the gravy? I'm open!"

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

I have this mistress: show business.

I'm now unemployed. It's a weird feeling with no work, but at least there's still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it's what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It's a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it's the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don't even exist. I'm obsessed with something that won't let me master it. I don't know. I need therapy.

I want to do well and I want to fit in.

I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.

"Eulogy" which is the independent film I did this Spring is being screened this week, but I'm just part of a large ensemble cast, so they can't blame me totally if it tanks.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.