Quotes & Jokes about Soul

29 quotes

I'm going to tell you right now, please, when you use the Windex bottle, never put that shit halfway. Always make sure it's lined up. There's no joke here. Don't do that. Bad things happen to good people. I know somebody here is gonna be like 'Hold on, I gotta try this shit. Hold on one second. What happens if you don't line it up? I just wanna see...' What if when you did that a fucking ghost came out of it? 'Ha ha ha, ah ha ha! He told you not to! I am Windextor. I will clean your soul!'.

Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.

I lost 28 pounds in my divorce... because that's what a soul weighs.

I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: If it is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.

A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine.'

I don't want to sound facetious, but humour is the key to the soul. You know what I mean?

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. "Goodnight, baby." "Do you think we were together in a past life?" "Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed." "Don't you feel like we're soul..."

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, “Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul.” That’s just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

And what is it they patrol? The Easy Listening section at Sam Goody. You're not going to get to the Josh Groban without going through the Soul Patrol.

Sarcasm - I get it now! See at the time I thought your jokey manner was just the way you were sublimating your shame over the discomfort you feel deep in your soul after extinguishing the last smoldering embers of any of your program’s journalistic bonafides!

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Fraser’s mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo-intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place.