Quotes & Jokes about Addiction


My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She’s always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction. "Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I’m addicted to them." It’s really annoying. So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, "Do you see that, honey?... Why can’t you be that skinny?"

I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference.

I'm not addicted to coke, i just love the way it smells!

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

I'm not addicted to cocaine... I just like the way it smells.

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don’t kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, "Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex." Isn’t that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.

I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.

One hip thing about being a recovering addict is I can spot assholes a mile away.

"One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.