Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1006
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.
We've lost our way, I thin. We keep waiting for a wizard to fix it. You know, the Democrats and Republicans - they're not going to fix it. That's just Coke and Pepsi - same crap, different can.
61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
God forbid those kids won't have something to suck on all night!
According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there.
British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight heart disease, why don't you come up with a food people will actually eat? Like a super glazed doughnut.
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
New management came in and they cleaned everybody out so we hit the skids. We lived in a van, so I kind of know what happens to people when this happens.
If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?
Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
Writing books isn’t a drastic departure from writing for the stage.