Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1007
You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.
Whenever they show Arabic being spoken on TV, its usually these crazy people in these protests in the Arab world and all of them speaking this really horrish Arabic *arab accent* "Khalikokhu kha.. la la la la la FUCK AMERICA!"
Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
I loved Peter Sellers. I thought he was the perfect mix of physical comedy with out-of-the-box humor. I loved his tone; I loved his physicality; I loved everything about what he was doing as a comedic actor.
I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.