Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1052
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
When I was growing up, we had a petting zoo, and, well, we had two sections. We had a petting zoo, and then we had a heavy-petting zoo. For people who really liked the animals a lot.
You might be a redneck if you think a "quarter horse" is that ride in front of K-Mart.
It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
People on the right say to people like me, "Oh, you hate America." And I always say, "No, I love America. I want it back. I don't want you representing it. I don't want torture representing it." If I hated it, I'd be okay with being represented by the torturers.
And then earlier than that there were the crusades. The crusades were totally fucked. Richard the Lionheart, who had the heart of a lion as well as his own. He ripped it out of the lion, and the lion was left with a bicycle pump and not much to do.
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.
The nature of comedy is "just do it". But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.