Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1063
We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”
The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code" - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."
There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, "Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!"
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.
You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.