Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1063
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...
When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?
My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
Sorry, Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someones getting hurt.
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.