Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1066
The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
If you treat your kid like a dick and you're a dick... you're gonna have a family of dicks.
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.
Isn't this amazing? Clinton is getting $8M for his memoir, Hillary got $8M for her memoir. That is $16M for two people who for eight years couldn't remember anything.
The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there.
I used to draw a lot. If my mother would ask me to do something else, I'd have a hairy conniption. I'd just go crazy.
I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
MTV needs to go back to showing hot teens... before they were pregnant.
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.