Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1065
Listen, I would call the French scum bags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
A squirrel is the same as a can, when there’s a bb gun in my hand. Can’t you see that I am just a man? With distinctions… and comparisons.
They say life begins at 50. Yeah, if you're the fuckin' Highlander.
You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
(While teaching his son to play baseball):<br /> "We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts."
Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.