Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1086
Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.
We are comfortable, collectively, that those 12 [shootings] are related.
This is not a dress. This is a sacred robe of the ancient psychedelic monks.
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.
Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?
Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.