Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1090
Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
Do you think Americans deserve healthcare? Have you looked at this horrible fat fuck country?
I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
If you treat your kid like a dick and you're a dick... you're gonna have a family of dicks.
But the main thing I don't want to be is un-funny. That's really the mandate. Just whatever we're doing, make it as funny as we can possibly make it. And believe me, if the show starts going down, we'll introduce a baby. We'll do everything that they did on `Family Ties.' I'm not afraid of that.
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.