Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1112
Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
The goals for me have changed somewhat. There's a bit of seduction to the idea of being on network, but it got to the point where that wasn't important. What's important is doing something worthwhile. Which is why I've always avoided being on a sitcom. Yeah, it's high-profile and it's on a network, but you know what? You could be on Suddenly Stewart.
Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.
You rarely get a convincing lecture on "playing to your strength" from a bald guy with a ponytail.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
Just for the record my Arab friends, i dont do any Arab jokes in my act. Its not that i dont think you are funny. It's just .. I dont know, i dont wanna..... die?
I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say "I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean". I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
The definition of "adventure" depends upon how boring your life is.
I purposefully studied ventriloquism so I can throw my orgasm - which was sort of a sad moment in my life.
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, “Are you comfortable?” The guys says, “I make a good living.”