Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1113
His view of the world is one that keeps his blood pressure low, sweeping the cholesterol from his relaxed, freeway-sized arteries. Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, "for what?"
Unfortunately this is where comedy works, where people are the most miserable.
He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose.
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You might be a redneck if you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
If you've ever seen a vagina close up... it looks like an alien's gonna hop out and attach itself to your face and lay eggs in your mouth.
It’s not enough to say "I’m sorry". You have to also mean it. It’s the same with saying "I’m single".
You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.